Messed Up by Ivie

I picked up the remote control, pressed the “on” button and waited for the television to load. I began tapping the leather on the couch, I was an impatient cookie, or that’s what my mom says.

Finally, the television turned on. My face was on television, my eyes widened with shock and fear. Then I saw my brother, we seemed to be on television. My heart pounded against my ribcage. My eyes were glued to the big television.

 

The reporter said we were wanted criminals, that we were horrible, full of hatred. I clenched my fists, my brown brows furrowed. 

4 thoughts on “Messed Up by Ivie”

  1. Hi Ivie,
    Great story! I really like your interpretation of the prompt phrase- being criminals would certainly get your face on the TV. I especially liked all of the small details you added to show the anxiousness and impatience of the main character with parts like “tapping the leather”, “clenched my fists” and “brows furrowed”. This is a good example of using interesting vocabulary. Well done. Keep up the good work.
    Michael (Team 100wc)

  2. Great use of painting a picture with words. Next time, try to add a few more shorter sentences to help your writing flow. I loved your use of patterns of three.

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