The Bird Race by Grace P

Suddenly the tiny yellow bird shot ahead of the shiny, beautiful blue bird. The tiny yellow bird zoomed ahead to the finish line and won the race, he felt so happy and everybody cheered him on, but the blue bird felt hopeless and thin and then dropped to the ground. The tiny yellow bird looked around and could not see the shiny blue bird in sight, finally he found the shiny blue bird and came over and said “That was a good race, you did great.” But before he could reply the sound of angry fans raging made him shiver…

4 thoughts on “The Bird Race by Grace P”

  1. Hi Grace,

    I love how you start your story right in the middle of the action, and the adjectives you use to describe the birds really bring them to life! Perhaps a next step could be to start some sentences with adverbs – it is a good way of setting the tone for the whole sentence.

    Thank you for entering the 100WC!
    Best wishes,
    Mel Wells (Team 100)
    Somerset, UK

  2. I like how it was sort of like a animal race.
    I liked how there were two birds, one shiny and one fast.
    Maybe make it a happy endding next time.
    Well done.

  3. WOW. I love this story so much. I love the way you used lots of descriptive word and verbs. That makes the story so interesting. I wish you very good luck next week

  4. WOW! Great story. I loved the idea of it but i think it could use a bit of work. Well done for writing a great story!

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